In last month’s Agony Aunt Competition, Knight’s Atari offered you the chance to be a hero, and win a t-shirt. Your mission was to rescue one of our readers from a hairy situation.
MJ was one who answered the call, and a fancy Knight’s Atari t-shirt is on its way to her, along with our congratulations and, indubitably, Chip zee Man’s eternal gratitude for her thoughts on his predicament. Below are her words of wisdom, which we can perhaps all learn something from.*
Dear Chip Man,
Get over yourself. Not only do none of us care that your own body doesn’t arouse you no more (my heart breaks for you while violins play wistfully), but the gall you have asking for a villanelle is just de trop. Any self-respecting French-person will tell you that we regard hairiness highly, and the slight curl of a thickening hair (on any body) makes us quiver in anticipation. I suggest you use your hair to knit jumpers for refugees (you know, people with actual problems) and stop asking people to send you pictures – subscribe to a porn streaming service like the rest of us.
Ms. Fifi Deco
Keep an eye out for Knight’s Atari’s further Agony Aunt
competitions – our readers will always have intriguing or embarrassing problems, and we will be happy to share them with you. Indeed, if you have any questions for the Knight’s Atari readers Agony Aunt collective, please do get in touch – knightsatari[that weird curly ‘a’ sign]gmail[dot]com .
A problem shared is a problem halved, and all that. Unless it’s herpes.
*This sentence should, of course, end with “from which we can perhaps all learn something.”, as ending a sentence with a preposition is frowned upon.
Madam: I would like a train ticket, please.
Ticket-seller: Certainly – where are you going to?
Madam: One ought not to end a sentence with a preposition!
Ticket-seller: I’m sorry – where are you going to, bitch?