Agony Aunt Competition

Agony Aunt Competition

aunt

Have you ever fancied yourself as an Agony Aunt or Uncle? Perhaps you like to write, or are wise, or nosy, or opinionated? Perhaps you need a distraction from all the studying you’re supposed to be doing?

As ever, Knight’s Atari has got your back. In this month’s competition, you get to answer one of the attention-seeking letters we are sent on an all-too-regular basis by readers who aren’t content merely to whore their personal issues out to cretinous friends on facebook for “likes” and “r u ok hun”s, but who also, for some reason, seem to think the editors at Knight’s Atari actually give a shit about their problems.

Below is a letter (or email, if you want to be technical) which was sent to us last week, by someone who, we must conclude, is both hairy and an arsehole. In a surprising turn of efficiency, the Knight’s Atari editors are going to outsource the problem to you, dear readers; providing distraction for you and potentially a range of answers for the poser, and most importantly – saving the editors’ precious time. You can post your answers as comments below or email them to us at knightsatari[at]gmail[dot]com, and as an extra incentive, whomsoever, in Chip Zee Man’s opinion, best answers the question before the end of this month, will win one of the highly-coveted Knight’s Atari t-shirts, as can be seen sported in our Beautiful People gallery.

Dear KAAA (Knight’s Atari Agony Aunt) 

 
As I leave behind the first flushes of youth, I find, to an increasing degree, that the appearance of new body hair no longer arouses in me the pride and feelings of masculinity that once it did. While vanity is not a sin of which I am regularly accused, the thought of disposing of some of the more unsightly outgrowths has crossed my mind. To spare myself the potential embarrassment of a disastrous depilatition, I would appreciate if the KA team, who I know to be far hairier than me, even in my current state, could investigate for me. Ideally I would like my answer structured as a villanelle* (not necessarily in French) and with before and after photos.
 
Regards, 
Chip Zee Man.
 
* Some of the limericks 
Attempted by KA cleverdicks,
While trying to be clever 
Could have rhymed better 
See – it’s not even that hard. 
(I even came up with a clever anagram-ous pseudonym.) 
 

For your convenience, here is the wikipedia article explaining what a villanelle is.

And remember – if you have any embarrassing personal problems that you feel you would like to share with the world, or at least the discerning portion of it which reads Knight’s Atari, do get in touch, because apparently we care.